How do you want to behave as a human being? How do you want to treat yourself and others, and the world around you? Live according to your values for a rich and meaningful life. That's what we're going to talk about today on Your Better Mental Wellbeing, helping you to manage stress and build resilience with easy evidence based tools.

Hello and a very warm welcome to you. You're listening to episode 10: live your values, accept yourself and let go. I'm Dr. Neera Dholakia, I'm a GP for Boots Online Doctor and the NHS, and my expertise is in mental health and wellbeing. I'm really pleased to be hosting this show, focusing on improving your mental wellbeing.

So we're in the middle of the week between Christmas and New Year, and it's a time when many of us reflect, and especially on our values as individuals, and in our relationships, and how we relate to the world around us.

It's this idea that happiness isn't about having good feelings all the time, as good feelings can come and go. And life is difficult and we can have positive and painful experiences. And if we can live in accordance with our values, then we're more likely to live with purpose and meaning, which is really what contentment is about. So, what does having values mean to you, Soen?

I think for me, it's a way to help me cope. And I think generally living in accordance with our values makes us more resilient.

I think this is an interesting one. So I'd like to say one of my most important values is being a good parent. But actually, if I really think about it and go back to my core values and the things that I developed when I was younger, it would be about actively contributing to society.

And it's one of the reasons I became a doctor. And it's also one of the reasons why more recently I came to a crossroads in my life and realized that one of the things missing was being able to do something for other people that wasn't necessarily related to work. And so I became a trustee of a charity. And yes, it does take up a fair bit of time, but I really enjoy it, and I feel it helps my wellbeing by being able to do something different.

I think one of the five ways of wellbeing is actually to help other people, so it really fits into that idea as well, that by helping other people, you're also helping yourself.

What about you, Soen?

Absolutely. Absolutely. I totally agree with that. And I think it does take time to build up trust though, doesn't it? But once that trust is there, actually your relationships improve and they become more meaningful.

And then let's talk about the accepting yourself bit at the end of each episode, but also we do talk about accepting ourselves in other parts of in our podcast so far. So what does that look like for you?

Yeah, and definitely we've talked a bit already, haven't we, about social media and comparing ourselves and seeing these edited parts of people and not seeing the whole person or all aspects of their life.

So thinking about being picture perfect, one thing that I have been trying to accept about myself is that I'm actually a bit messy and it did used to bother me and I used to get quite stressed out by, by the mess. and what felt like chaos around me. But now I've actually realized that by accepting the fact that I'm messy and that there will be some chaos around me and there will be things that I don't get done, it actually helps with my stress and I don't worry about it so much.

And along with that, I think I have, over the years, put pressure on myself to achieve. I think some of that is definitely part of being a doctor, but I think a lot of people have that as well. And I've been learning to accept the fact that I'm only human, I'm not superhuman, and that my time is not infinite, and that's okay. It's okay for me not to do things, or not to do things as well as I might like to. It's okay that I'm good enough. I have to just think to myself, well, everybody's okay, everybody's alive, everybody's reasonably cheerful and people like to spend time with me and I like to spend time with other people. So.

Yeah, I'm really looking forward to that one, Soen.

Okay, this is going to sound a little bit ridiculous, but bear with me. I want to let go of my rage. So, I don't get angry that often, but I do have these surges of rage against motorists and cyclists that don't stop at pedestrian crossings. So if I'm at a pedestrian crossing and they don't stop, I just feel the rage bubbling up. It's like a red rag to a bull. And the reason is because I failed my driving test because I didn't stop at a pedestrian crossing. So whenever I see other people do the same, it really winds me up.

And it's completely pointless. And the only person that rage affects is me. So it's really something that I am wanting to make a conscious effort of to not let it get to me in the first place. But if it does get to me to actually let it go a lot more quickly than it is at the moment.

Yep, I can't change their behaviour, I can only change mine. What about you Soen, what do you want to let go of?

So actually you're absolutely right. I've been doing that myself recently and actively making time for myself. One of my values is being creative and so I've been trying to make time for that. Of course, one of them is doing this podcast. But one thing I really do enjoy is, um, going to a saxophone group on a Saturday and I've been doing that for a little while.

I learned as an adult actually, which was a steep learning curve, but it's something that I've recently been more conscious of making time for because otherwise my time is crammed in to every nook and cranny that there is. And on the very first session of this group, the tutor asked everyone what they wanted to learn and get out of the group.

And I was brutally honest and said that I'm doing it to get away from my family for a couple of hours and that I've not got any illusions that I'm going to practice at all, or that I'm even going to improve, but that I'm here to enjoy it and to play music and to listen and just have a nice time. So the group allows me to be creative, but without an end goal or target in mind.

And that's very much what values are. So goals are very much part of living in accordance with your values, but they're not the values themselves. And we can want to get better at something, but we don't have to for it to be a fulfilling experience. So just enjoy that experience in that moment without expectation or judgment.

So on that note, Soen, let's finish there and enjoy the rest of this year. We'll be back in the new year talking about sleeping better, relaxation, and the infamous Blue Monday. So join us then for some more great wellbeing tips.

If you like this episode or think it would be useful for someone else, please follow and share. For more information and transcripts, Please visit our website at yourbettermentalwellbeing.show. And remember to live your values, accept yourself and let go.